


A New Beginning

by Rivermoon1970



Series: Time and Again [7]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, M/M, New Beginning, loss of friendship, wife leaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3081917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason's gone, Haley's left can Spencer and Aaron find a new start? Hotch tries to make ammends to Garcia</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Beginning

_Now:_

Spencer had excused himself from the group, he said he wanted to go back to laying down for just a bit. There was another knock. Spencer was getting anxious there were too many people now. JJ noticed that he was crashing again. ‘Oh God he hasn’t been taking his enzyme’s’ So she followed him into the bedroom. The team knew about Spencer’s chronic migraines and if he didn’t keep up his vitamin and enzyme regimen highly emotional and stressful situations could cause him to crash. As gently as she could JJ asked Spencer, “Spence, did you take your enzyme’s today? Today of all days…” The look Reid gave her said to back off. “Okay, okay why don’t you lay down? If you want us to leave…”

“No, no don’t leave. Not yet. I thought I wanted to be alone, but…but now that everyone’s…”

He was cut off by a familiar voice. One he hadn’t heard in quite a while. He got up off the bed and went into the living room and saw her. He didn’t think she’d been able to make it and he was immensely grateful she had.

“Emily,” He said, almost under his breath. She didn’t hesitate, she quickly covered the distance between them and gathered Spencer in her arms and just said quietly in his ear, “I’m so sorry, I am so, so sorry”. Spencer tried to hold it in, tried not to cry, but having Emily in his arms, he silently let go.

JJ saw the shaking shoulders but didn’t say anything. She moved into Jack’s room to check on Jack and the other children. She moved to sit next to the young man and thought, not for the first time, how much he looked just like Aaron. “Hey Jack, are you okay?”

He looked at JJ with sad lost eyes, “No Aunt Jayje, I’m not. I don’t know how to help Papa Spence, let alone Sasha”.

“Jack, you don’t have to know. You don’t have to pretend to be strong; it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. Your Dad wouldn’t have thought any less of you”.

“Why’d he do it Aunt Jayje? Why’d he go out there that day? He didn’t need to”.

JJ took a deep breath and looked Jack in the eye, “Because he couldn’t do any less. He was a field agent for so long, it was ingrained in him. This case was tough and he thought it was unfair to ask his agents to go out there and put their lives on the line when he was behind a desk”.

Jack looked angry, “So he didn’t think. He didn’t think about me, didn’t think about Sasha, for god sakes she’s only ten, and he damn well didn’t think about Papa”.

“Jack…I can’t tell you what he did was right or wrong and I heard that they argued about it. Spencer didn’t want him out there, but your Dad…well you know how stubborn he could be. Jack, nothing I say will bring him back to you, but everyone is here for you. Even after we leave today, we aren’t gone. Any one of us will be there”.

“I know Aunt Jayje,” Just then Spencer and Emily came in the room too. JJ moved off to the side to give room and Emily gathered the young man in her arms and held him on one side while Spencer sat down and held him from the other.

“I’m so sorry Jackers. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. I love you buddy, you know that right?”

Jack pulled out of Emily’s embrace and grabbed at Spencer, and held on. The one thought that ran through his head was _please don’t take this parent from me too_ , but he didn’t say anything, just let the tears fall as he held on to his Papa Spence.  
______________________________________________  
 _Then:_

_Hotch: [to Reid] Morgan says you're worried about Gideon._

_Reid: I keep on calling him, he doesn't call back._

_Hotch: He's probably at his cabin. That's where he goes when he... needs to get away. Reid, I need your head in this._

_Reid: I know._

He’s gone. Spencer couldn’t believe that Jason Gideon was gone that he left without saying goodbye to anyone, to him. That he left Hotch hanging, answering the questions he should have answered. Reid found the letter and read it and re-read it, but it still didn’t explain, not really and Reid was confused and angry. He grabbed the letter and the badge and gun that were left behind, got behind the wheel of his car and just sat there. He didn’t want to go home, but he didn’t know what else to do. Unconsciously he picked up his phone and sent Hotch a text, _he’s gone_ was all he typed, hoping that Hotch would understand.

Hotch walked in the door and called out for his wife, but all he saw was a darkened house. He went to their bedroom and saw the empty drawers and the empty closet. He went to Jack’s room and saw the same thing. He walked back to the bedroom and there it was, a note addressed to him. It simply said that Haley had gone to her sisters and she didn’t think she was coming back, not as long as Aaron was still with the BAU. He was sitting on the bed staring at the note when he felt his phone vibrate, it better not be another damn case is all he thought. When he looked down he saw it was a text from Spencer and all it said was he’s gone. Aaron closed his eyes and sighed and knew Jason wasn’t coming back. This made him more than angry. There was a lot he needed to answer for and he left Hotch there to do it himself. When he looked back down at the message Aaron sent a text back, _so is she._

Spencer couldn’t say what he felt when he got Aaron’s reply, and it might have been irresponsible of him to do what he wanted, but dammit, they both we’re hurting. So, he sent a text back, _do you want me to come over?_

Aaron looked down at the text and swallowed. The last time they went down this road they both ended up hurting each other. What they had now was precious and Aaron wasn’t sure if he wanted to ruin the hard won friendship they were cultivating. Before he realized it though he sent his reply, please, dammit, he thought. This was not a smart idea.  


Spencer swallowed hard when he saw the reply. He didn’t hesitate though. He pulled out of Gideon’s driveway and raced back to DC, to Aaron. And he thought the whole way there that this was probably not a smart idea.

He pulled into Aaron’s driveway a couple of hours later and hesitated. It was late, really late and he wasn’t sure if Aaron was still going to be up. Maybe I should just go home. He started to turn the car on and leave when his phone beeped, _don’t go. Please?_ He saw the text, looked up at the house and saw Aaron standing at the window to one of the bedrooms. Spencer got out of his car, grabbed his go bag, not really sure why, and knocked on the front door.  


Aaron opened the door and let Spencer in. The two men were shy and tentative around each other, “Do you want something to drink?” Aaron finally broke the silence.

“Um, sure, whatever you’ve got”.

Aaron gestured Reid to follow him and led him to the small room that was set-up like a den. There was a bar in one corner and Aaron moved behind it to pour the two of them something strong. “I have Bourbon, Scotch or Cognac,” Aaron hadn’t taken the time lately to re-stock and they hadn’t entertained in quite a while so choices were low.

“Scotch will be fine”. Aaron poured them both a glass and handed one to Spencer. The silence was deafening, neither man knew what to say. They both were sipping their drinks and the tension was becoming unbearable. Finally Spencer couldn’t take it anymore.

“Why the hell did he leave Aaron? Did he think we wouldn’t understand? That we would somehow think less of him if he had another breakdown? Why? I don’t understand”.

Aaron took a deep breath before he spoke, “Spencer, I don’t either, but can I be completely honest with you?”

Spencer furrowed his brow, “Of course”.

“I don’t think Gideon should have come back after Boston. I know, I know he had six months to recover, but he wasn’t the same afterwards. I knew it, Morgan knew it and Strauss was constantly on my ass about him. I was too loyal to him when I wrote my assessment. In all honesty, I should have recommended retirement. But I didn’t and that is on me”.

“Wow, you never told me that, never told anyone that”.

“And look where it got me. I let him do things that I knew were dangerous or wrong, things I should have countermanded or intervened before they went too far. His actions almost got an innocent woman killed when he antagonized an unsub, Elle was shot because of that press conference, he got you killed…” Aaron suddenly knocked back the rest of his drink and went to pour some more. Spencer got up and moved around the bar, stilled Aaron’s hands from pouring more alcohol, took the older man’s face in his hands and gently kissed him. The kiss was soft and passionate and all Aaron wanted to do was fall completely into his beautiful genius. 

When Spencer pulled back he laid his forehead on Aaron’s, “Aaron, I’m still here and each day I’m getting better. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t Gideon’s, it was a tortured young man who never really had a chance. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He reached up and stroked his thumb along Aaron’s cheek, staring at the man he still and always would love.

Aaron reached up and gently grabbed Spencer’s hand, “Spence, I really don’t think that’s a good idea”. He closed his eyes and schooled his swirling emotions. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to take Spencer Reid, his beautiful genius, to bed.

“We don’t have to do anything Aaron, we can just comfort each other”.

_This is so not a good idea_ , but Aaron knew he didn’t want Spencer to leave. He took the young man’s hand and led him to the guest room. He wasn’t so crass as to be with Spencer in his marriage bed. They stripped and laid down together under the cool soft sheets, Aaron pulled the young man to him, relishing the feel of Spencer in his arms. 

They lay there all night, talking, kissing and caressing each other but it never went further. Though both men wanted more, neither was ready to push their friendship back into lover’s territory. For now, they relished the comfort that touch alone could give them. 

Aaron could almost hear the swirl of thoughts going through Reid’s mind, “She didn’t leave because of you Spencer. She left because she doesn’t understand, because I couldn’t make her understand”.

Reid waited to see if Hotch would elaborate, when he didn’t Reid prompted him, “Understand what?”

“She doesn’t understand how much being a Profiler and working at the BAU means to me. It started before Jack, but it was subtler. After Jack was born she would practically growl at me when the phone rang. I saw the signs, and I tried, but…”

“I’m sorry Aaron. I know how much Haley means to you”.

“I guess everything was too much for her. I’m not excusing myself, I can’t say I was perfect but I tried”. Aaron got quiet and pulled Spencer closer so that his head cradled on Aaron’s chest. Aaron was softly stroking the long messy soft hair and sighed. 

“I think she was having an affair,” Aaron said to no one in particular. Reid raised a brow and let out a chuckle. The irony was not lost on him.

“I know, the irony is not lost on me. I have no right to get angry about it. Haley and I both made mistakes. Maybe we were too young, maybe I’m too ambitious, I don’t know maybe we wouldn’t have lasted forever, especially since….” He wasn’t going to say it. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes with Spencer he had before.

“Especially since what?” Spencer thought he knew, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for the older man.

Aaron closed his eyes, “I love you Spencer, and sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. I thought if I didn’t have to decide…” He let out a cynical laugh, “Then I could have it all. I know, it’s selfish, but I wanted to be selfish”.

“Aaron, I love you too and sometimes I don’t know what to do with it either. But..”

“But what?”

“Is it smart?”

Aaron smiled that smile, the one that made Reid’s heart stop, “No, it isn’t. But I don’t care”. He kissed Spencer on the forehead, but didn’t push the young man. With how vulnerable they were both feeling, sex was the last thing they should be engaging in. Both men grew silent and Reid started fidgeting a little. Aaron smiled down at the man in his arms. He could always see the constant swirling of thoughts in the young man’s head. 

Reid’s mind wandered and he said, out of the blue, “You know that Garcia still is hurt over Gideon calling her stupid?”

Aaron frowned, this was a really random statement, but he went with it,“You never told me that. That’s something else I need to make amends for. I should have stood up to Gideon. Her actions were stupid, but Penelope Garcia is not.”

Reid’s mind was skipping around again, “Aaron, I know I have no right to ask, your wife just left and now I’m feeling a bit…selfish”. Spencer looked up at his Unit Chief with a mischievous smile on his face.

Aaron narrowed his eyes at the young man, “What?”

“When the dust settles, for both of us, can I ask you out? On a date?”

Aaron sat up and looked at Spencer, “Spencer, do you…do you want to pursue this? Whatever this is between us? You know that there are a lot of complications….”

Reid smiled, ”Shhhh, Aaron, we’ll just take it slow, but yeah I want to find out what this is. I love you and I think we need to figure this out, one way or another”.

Aaron contemplated for a moment, “Okay, when the dust settles, okay. Reid?”

Spencer smiled at Aaron’s use of his office name, “Yeah Hotch?”

“I love you too”. With that Aaron lay back down and pulled Spencer to him again, stroking the young man’s back as Spencer curled into his lover’s side. With contented sighs they fell asleep in each other’s arms, both hoping for a possible future together.  
______________________________________________________________  
Hotch hadn’t had time to talk to Garcia, but his conversation with Reid was never far from his mind. The team had two difficult cases back to back and Garcia, as always, gave them what they needed to find their unsub. After they got back and paperwork was filed and the cases put to rest, Hotch knew he wanted to try to make amends.

He got to Garcia’s lair and knocked on the door, “Garcia, can we talk a moment?”

“Umm sure bossman, what, what is it?”

“I know I don’t tell you enough, and sometimes when we are out in the field I get tunnel vision. Something I accused Jason of many times, but it happens to me to. I just want to say that you are a valuable member of this team and more than once have I been grateful that you took me up on my offer”.

Garcia looked at Aaron with wide eyes and mouth open, “Sir, I’m just doing what you pay me for…”

Hotch smiled, “No, I’ve worked with many analysts over the years and what you give to this team is more than information. Your witty retorts and your bright smile, it’s what we sometimes need. I’m often saddened that you have to see the images you do because I never want to dim that bright spark that helps us out there”.

“Hotch, you’re my suit, Morgan’s my chocolate Adonis, Reid is my baby genius, Emily is my dark goddess and JJ is my partner in crime. You’re my family. I know it’s not fair to the other teams in my care, but you guys, well it’s my Island of misfit toys”. Garcia turned to her knickknacks and picked up her toy version of the Bumble from the Rudolph TV special. She looked at her Unit Chief and smiled handing it to him, “I think you need this more than I do”.

He took it, and had a slightly confused look on his face, “I came in here to comfort and talk to you and you turn around and give me this?” 

She walked up to Hotch with a bemused expression on her face, “Someone left this team slightly broken and you are keeping us all together, this is to remind you that we don’t break easy. We may be misfits, but you, bossman, keep us going”.

Hotch graced her with one of his rare warm smiles, “Thank you, Penny. One more thing…” He took a moment to gather his thoughts.

“What?”

“I will never let anyone tell you that you’re stupid again, because Penelope Garcia, you are not stupid, and you have more than made up for your mistakes. I know Jason hurt you and I’m sorry”.

“Oh,” Garcia looked at her boss and wasn’t ashamed of the tears that gathered in her eyes. She closed the distance between her and Hotch and gathered him in her arms for a hug, “I don’t care if this is inappropriate, you just made my night”. She broke away after a few seconds, then looked up at Hotch, “Go home, go home and take care of my baby genius”. She winked at Hotch and started to walk away.

“Penny?”

“Oh Hotch, you forget, I am the master of love and you two might be good at hiding it, but I’m better”. She smiled a mischievous smile.

“Well, whatever you think you know, please keep it between us. We’re…”

“Don’t worry. You’re secret it safe with me. Now go home Hotch”. Again he gave her his megawatt smile, shook his head, turned around to head home but not before saying, “Night Penelope”.


End file.
